Friday, December 10, 2010

I Mock Because I Care

It must be the cough syrup talking, because I have an overwhelming need to mock the "Holiday Horse" in the November/December issue of JAH. For those of you who still haven’t received your JAH, here’s a scan of it, so you can play along:

I’m assuming it’s next year’s horse, but the text doesn’t make it clear. Even if it does turn out to be something else entirely (in other words, Rare and Exclusive) that still doesn’t temper my urge to laugh and point at it. I laugh and point at Flockies all the time, hasn’t affected their perceived value any.

Anyway, I spot this beauty in JAH, and the first thought that popped into my head really was "Did they hot glue a bunch of broken ornaments to an oven mitt?"

They nominally discontinued Halloween Horses because of a "lack of ideas," but then they assemble this silly thing, apparently assembled from all of the leftover bits that didn’t make the cut on previous Holiday Horses.

I do still sorta like it, though. With the right amount of money, anybody can have a "pretty" or "classy" holiday display, but I prefer the unique-crazy-weird-tacky-homemade displays this horse embodies. They seem more sincere to me.

That’s the kind of Christmas I grew up with, too: everyone else in the extended family would have the traditional tree with glass ornaments, a sparkly garland, and maybe some tinsel. At our house, we’d have a tree made entirely out of pinecones and chicken wire. Or completely covered in fake pink poinsettias.

(This year’s theme was felt … at least, until our little furry Grinch decided felt was delicious.)

I’ve collected a number of vintage books and magazines with crafts of Christmases past - partly for inspiration, but also for my amusement. I mean, come on, how can you not love "Hobo Santa?"

Or Rudolph, the Zombie Reindeer?

Or my personal favorite:

The actual text accompanying the photograph, from the 1961 issue of Woman’s Day Best Ideas for Christmas:
This Santa scene is very easy to duplicate. Just buy (or make) a Santa suit, fill it with rags, cotton, newspaper, etc., and put it on an outdoor lounge. Scene says that Santa gets tired, too, and he can use a rest himself some time. Add long sheet of paper for list.
I dunno. The first thing the scene said to me that Santa had a cardiac event. Either in, or on his way to the bathroom.

I do like the selection of the Misty’s Twilight mold as a Holiday Horse - it has a very old-fashioned, Currier & Ives feel to it, like she should be pulling a sleigh or sulky. Strange that they’d go with another Bay - the mold already came in that color, as Dover, in 1996 and 1997. It is hard to tell what’s underneath all that bric-a-brac, though: for all we know, she could be a bay roan overo or snowcap Appaloosa.


Anonymous said...

"Did they hot glue a bunch of broken ornaments to an oven mitt?"

You are brilliant. Always snarky, always fabulous.

Christine said...

OMG, that reindeer one! The mother looks like she's getting messages from outer space coming through the antler greenery. I kinda' like the deer though. Someday I'd like a tacky Christmas and he'd be my centerpiece.

Carrie said...

I don't think I've ever seen a lounge chair look so much like a gurney.

And yeah, my family also had its share of 'interesting' holiday decor (the hook-rug Santa head that we put on the front door still haunts my dreams) but I too had to point & giggle at that holiday horse. That collar! The whatsit on the neck! I do confess though, I want some of those jingley-bob anklet thingies!

Rachel said...

love the oven mitt comment :)

I think it would fine if they just got rid of those chunky things on its feet, and the collar on its neck, and the lapels on the blanket. Mostly the lapels.

Little Black Car said...

They do designer contests for models' paint every year--clearly it's time to do them for holiday horses. I could have come up with more Hallowe'en horses. I love Hallowe'en.

I could totally do better than the spangled oven mitt, too.

Christi said...

I'm hoping it's just a random one-off they did for the picture hunt. Wasn't Twilight already a Holiday Horse, anyway? Or maybe that's just her Currier & Ives vibe confusing me.

Christi said...

Me again - if you've seen the latest email update from Geddie's Toys, it looks like this really is the 2011 Holiday horse.

After a second look, leaving the neckpiece off would help the looks, ditto for maybe taking the greenery off the blanket. And the anklets or whatever look way out of scale. But whatever. :)